David's Bridal

The sofa is really comfortable. Women are fiiggin nuts! I've always known they march to a different beat, but this is crazy. The money! You gotta be kidding me. And for one, and only one less-than-30 minute show.
And the place is packed! Mothers and daughters. One other man. Where's the scotch?

PajamaGuy (b²)

Walking With Your Eyes Closed!

I sensed, rather than felt, my wife get out of bed and head for the bathroom.  (The Tempur-Pedic commercials are correct – motion is NOT transmitted.)  In the time it took her to traverse the 3 paces from her side of the bed to the bathroom door, I’d drifted back down into that soft & snuggly almost-sleep.  Her yelp yanked me very rudely, back up to the surface of consciousness.

 

In one long flowing word, she cried, “Iiiieeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa…FRIG!”  “What’s the matter, honey?” I offered.  “I stubbed my damn toe!”  When I asked how she did that, she replied, “You know how you walk with your eyes closed ‘cause you don’t want to wake up?” 

How NOT to Walk On A Treadmill

1. Break the clip that connects the "Emergency Stop" safety cord to your body.
2. Back the treadmill up to within ½" of the mirrored sliding closet
doors. (make sure they're closed behind you!)
3. Turn on the TV, so you can watch it while treadmilling.
4. Get the latest issue of "More" so you can read during the commercials on TV.
5. Start the treadmill and start walking.
6. Call your daughter.
7. Without stopping the traddmill, step off and get a package of
Low-Carb, Atkins Approved peanut butter cups.
8. Get a pair of scissors to cut off the end of the peanut butter cup wrapper.
9. Get back on the treadmill.
10. Put the phone under your cheek (so you have both hands free) and
while walking, talking, and watching (Oprah), cut the end off the
peanut butter cup package.

Guess what happens next!

Media Bias?

MSNBC:

• Rumsfeld tried to quit during abuse scandal

Fox News:

• Rumsfeld: I Offered to Resign
  

Reuters & AP:

• Rumsfeld Says He Offered to Resign Over Abu Ghraib 12:09 AM

CNN:

• Rumsfeld twice offered to quit over Abu Ghraib

CBS:

• Bush Wouldn't Let Rumsfeld Quit